Cultivating a winning mental edge requires you to take setbacks in stride. Every cloud has a silver lining, and it's useful to continually look for the bright side. When you look for the bright side, you feel better after encountering a setback. But it's harder than it looks for some people. Some people don't take setbacks in stride. Instead, they mull over them.
According to psychotherapist Albert Ellis, many people hold the belief, "It is awful and terrible when things are not the way one would very much like them to be." As children, parents may have allowed us to have things our way, but eventually we learned that we could not have everything that we wanted. Unfortunately, many people continue to hold the belief that it is awful, terrible, and even unbearable when things do not go as planned. It may be unpleasant, but it is not awful or terrible. Indeed, when things don't go our way, there may even be a bright side.
Suppose you did not get the promotion at work that you wanted, you could look at it as awful, but there is probably a silver lining if you look hard enough. Promotions usually mean more work and responsibility, which can be psychologically stressful. In addition, a new job may mean there is less leisure time. When one does not receive a promotion, it is useful to think, "at least I will have more time to spend with my family and friends."
That said, there are some events where it is difficult to see the bright side. It’s difficult to find the bright side when a loved one is hurt, for example. But even a setback like a theft can be seen as positive in some respect. It may be useful to remember to focus on spiritual issues rather than material possessions.
Not everything will go your way and it’s vital to expect setbacks. A setback may be disappointing, but it is not awful or terrible. Most setbacks have a bright side and if you can learn to identify that bright side, then you will take setbacks in stride and focus on what you need to do to succeed.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Take It Easy
If you are ambitious, you are probably a perfectionist. Does it drive you crazy when things don’t go your way? There are times when Murphy’s Law says it all: “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” Does this sound a little too cynical? Perhaps, but only if you submit to pessimism. If you have a winning attitude, however, you’re ready to tackle anything. You’ll think, “Things go wrong all the time. I’ll take it in stride and move on.” If you cultivate a winning attitude, you can fight Murphy’s Law with ease.
Stuff happens. So what? In our status-oriented society, we often work under the assumption that we must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving. We tend to believe that if we make a mistake that we will be punished. The development of this belief is understandable. As we grow up, whether it is at home, school or work, we often face adverse consequences for not being scrupulously proficient in everything that we do. But holding such a belief produces fear and anxiety. If we believe that we must always be competent, we will expend all our precious psychological energy mulling over the negative consequences of failing, rather than focusing on what we are doing in the here-and-now to achieve our goals. This style of thinking is distracting and obscures the flow of immediate experience, which interferes with cultivating the proper mental edge.
For your long term enduring success, it is vital that you learn to ease up. You don't have to be perfect. You are bound to make mistakes occasionally, and if you are consumed with avoiding them, you'll be so anxious and fearful that you will choke under the pressure, and be upset when things go wrong. Murphy’s Law is true at times, but why feel bothered by setbacks? Why not expect them? It’s hard to accept, but you can’t control everything. Stuff happens and you need to deal with it objectively, rather than feel disappointed and stunned.
Striving for perfectionism is an important ideal to hold, but don't forget that it is just an ideal. You might try to reach for it, but don't beat yourself up when you don't get there. All you can do in the end is do your best.
Stuff happens. So what? In our status-oriented society, we often work under the assumption that we must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving. We tend to believe that if we make a mistake that we will be punished. The development of this belief is understandable. As we grow up, whether it is at home, school or work, we often face adverse consequences for not being scrupulously proficient in everything that we do. But holding such a belief produces fear and anxiety. If we believe that we must always be competent, we will expend all our precious psychological energy mulling over the negative consequences of failing, rather than focusing on what we are doing in the here-and-now to achieve our goals. This style of thinking is distracting and obscures the flow of immediate experience, which interferes with cultivating the proper mental edge.
For your long term enduring success, it is vital that you learn to ease up. You don't have to be perfect. You are bound to make mistakes occasionally, and if you are consumed with avoiding them, you'll be so anxious and fearful that you will choke under the pressure, and be upset when things go wrong. Murphy’s Law is true at times, but why feel bothered by setbacks? Why not expect them? It’s hard to accept, but you can’t control everything. Stuff happens and you need to deal with it objectively, rather than feel disappointed and stunned.
Striving for perfectionism is an important ideal to hold, but don't forget that it is just an ideal. You might try to reach for it, but don't beat yourself up when you don't get there. All you can do in the end is do your best.
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