Emotion Control: Fighting Evolution

Emotions often get a bad rap. Nowadays, we often live in a cutthroat, competitive world where emotions are a sign of weakness. Although it is useful in many business and professional contexts to remain objective and unemotional, it is not natural. Emotions evolved to help us survive.

What would happen if our ancestors did not care what people thought of them? Suppose that a caveman or cavewoman did not care about anyone but himself or herself. When faced with rejection, what would have happened if their gut reaction was, “I don’t care what others think…it’s no big deal”? People with a cold and unfeeling approach to life did not reproduce very easily. And when they did reproduce, their offspring were likely to die off early. With few exceptions, human feelings and behaviors developed because they were useful and helped humans adapt. It is useful to feel hurt when we are rejected by friends and loved ones. It provides a signal that we should change and try to get along. The self-centered person who does not feel does not survive.

As strange as it may seem, disappointment and even depression is useful. Depression signals that something has gone wrong. Although it is necessary to persist in the face of adversity, it is a waste of time and resources to work for a lost cause. Ruminating about failure is not adaptive, but neither is an unrealistic optimistic attitude that will lead to failure in the end. Disappointment in moderation is a useful signal to let go of unrealistic plans and to move on.

Similarly, fear and anxiety may feel bad, but these emotions protect us from doing stupid things. You only need to touch a hot stove once before you learn not to touch it again. Emotions, such as fear and anxiety, developed to help us survive, and even though they are unpleasant at times, they often protect us from mistakes that may harm us physically or emotionally.

Fear is a reaction to an immediate threat to our physical safety or self-esteem, while anxiety warns us of impending doom. When you see a wild animal in the woods, you have the natural inclination to either fight it or run away to safety. Anxiety is related to fear, but it is the perception that one is about to face a threat to his or her well being, in contrast to an immediate threat. You feel anxiety when doom is pending and possibly inevitable.

People who can’t learn from their mistakes have trouble living as successful members of society. Consider the juvenile delinquent who cannot learn from his or her mistakes. People with antisocial personality disorder often have trouble learning from their mistakes because they have trouble experiencing fear. Their physiology is not responsive to punishment. When their parents scolded them, they felt nothing. When their teachers sent them to the principal’s office they did not get the message that yielding to authority and following rules is adaptive at times. What happens later when challenged by authority figures? Well, such individuals may have no trouble hitting a police officer or even hurting one, and these people are likely to do some serious time in prison. Sure, the person with antisocial personality disorder is cold, callous and able to manipulate gullible unsuspecting victims, but in the long run, they rarely contribute to society.

There is some scientific evidence that some fears are passed on genetically and are biologically wired. Although some cases of fears are unique to some people, such as a fear of cotton balls, most fears had adaptive value from an evolutionary point of view. It was adaptive for early humans to fear heights, for example. Without the benefits of modern medicine, an early caveman could fall to his death even from a relatively low height. The humans who did not have this fear died off long ago, while the survivors that feared heights live on to this day. Research studies have shown that people's most common fears (or phobias to use a psychiatric term) tend to concern heights, snakes, and blood, which were common threats to humans' ancient ancestors. Perhaps the familiar fears we see today are variants of the threats of prehistoric times. A fear of bridges is a variant of a fear of heights, for example.

It is useful to acknowledge that emotions are biologically based and products of evolution. It’s natural to feel afraid, sad, or hurt in specific situations. Evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss suggests that acknowledging the evolutionary processes that lie behind our emotions is useful. It is useful to realize that we may react in a biological and natural, emotional way under certain circumstances. Such emotions may be gut reactions that are natural, but get in the way. It may be useful to just think, “this is just a gut reaction; I’m not going to over-think it.”

At first glance, it may seem that emotions are impossible to change, since they were the result of evolution. It may take some effort, but it is possible to fight the forces of biology and evolution. First, it is useful to just acknowledge that many emotional responses are biologically programmed and have adaptive value. Appreciate that humans are not robots. Emotions are natural responses than make us human. Don’t view emotions as a sign of weakness.

Second, it is important to identify why we experience the emotions we experience. Each emotion corresponds to the situation in which we find ourselves. When we are taking an unnecessary risk, for example, it is adaptive to feel a little scared. Our intuition tells us that we may get hurt and we better watch out. Emotions provide important signals.

Third, it is vital to have a clearly defined plan for controlling emotions, such as monitoring our thoughts and changing the internal dialog we have with ourselves. One strategy is to take a “mindfulness” approach. You can pretend that your thoughts are just random and have no meaning. After all, they may be adaptive in most situations, but not in a situation where it is useful to stay calm and rational. When you are trying to take an unnecessary risk in which you may actually get hurt, you need to control the natural fear response, and instead, stay calm and logical. A simple way to control emotions is to just think, “The emotion I feel is just a prehistoric biological response. It was useful for my ancestors but is not useful right at the specific moment.” It may not be that easy, but it is a start. Sometimes, you can just concentrate on the moment and try to forget about whether the outcome will be good or bad, just focus on the process of what you are doing. When you are driving your car across a bridge, for example, it is not useful to think about how high you are, or whether they bridge may fall. It is better to just focus on driving your car. Focus on the moment, the process of driving.

People differ in their ability to control their emotions. Some people are more susceptible to biological programming than others, but it is useful to acknowledge that emotions are biologically driven and that it may be necessary to override a natural process of emotional expression that has evolved over thousands of years.

Fear, Death, and Winning

Winners are not afraid to lose. A key factor in cultivating a winning attitude is to face and conquer fears.  Many people run from their fears, however, and they pay the price: They are afraid to take risks and passively accept a mediocre life. And at every moment, they suffer unbearable regret.

Existential philosophers argued long ago that death is inevitable and that it is vital to accept the inevitability of death. Facing our fears, and even death, allows people to grow psychologically. A classic episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation illustrated how facing fear allows people to grow psychologically. Captain Jean-Luc Picard has an artificial heart. While a young man, he got into a bar fight and was stabbed through the heart. At times he felt the loss of his actual heart was an impediment and wished he had been less impulsive in his youth. Perhaps if he had taken a more conservative, risk averse approach to life, he would still have his biological heart instead of the artificial one that robbed him of some of his humanity. But when given the opportunity to see what would have happened if he had avoided the bar fight and kept his original heart, he found that he did not end up as the Captain of the Enterprise. Because he did not face his fears early in life, he spent the rest of his life playing it safe. He did not achieve greatness.  It takes courage to win. Don't be the kind of person who runs from fear.  Winners are not afraid to fight. Winners have the courage to face fear, and even death.

Components of Lasting Success

Everyone in life wants success. It’s a strange person who wants to fail and feel miserable. Ambitious people strive to do their best. Indeed, they focus most of their energy on achieving their goals. But in their book, Just Enough, Drs. Laura Nash and Howard Stevenson of Harvard Business School argue that a single-minded pursuit to excel can lead to burn out (See an excerpt from their book on the HBS website: http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/3966.html). A pursuit of a single goal cannot satisfy all of a person's complex needs and desires. After studying hundreds of high achievers who maintain lasting success, Drs. Nash and Stevenson discovered that they share a set of common characteristics. They make a positive difference and enjoy the process of their endeavors. They also have a complex, in-depth understanding of success, and what success really means.

What is success? Enduring success has four components. First, successful people feel their work is pleasurable; they feel content. Second, they believe that their efforts accomplish something; they feel as if they are mastering a set of challenging skills. Third, they feel they have made a positive impact on people they care about, and fourth, they believe they are creating a legacy; their efforts will somehow help others also find success. Nash and Stevenson argue that unless all four components are addressed, one doesn't feel that their success is real. People who don’t address all four dimensions of success will experience what Drs. Nash and Stevenson call the "wince factor." That is, they may feel they are going in the right direction, but they won't truly feel successful. They will be preoccupied with trying to satisfy components of success they have ignored.

Are you on the road to lasting success. First, you must find the pursuit for your goals as pleasurable; you must be motivated by the inherent satisfaction you receive from working toward your goals instead of external rewards. You can't be overly consumed with what you will get out of it, whether it is money, fame, or prestige. You must find the process of achieving your goals enjoyable in its own right. Second, you must focus on skill building. Success isn't easy and it shouldn't be. If anyone could do it, in what way is the task successful? You must gain mastery of a challenging skill to feel successful. Success is about constantly pushing the envelope until you reach higher and higher levels of skill. Third, you must feel that your success will provide significance and legacy. What is significant to you? Do you want to make a contribution to society and feel that you are an integral part of society? You may want to ask yourself, how has the world changed as a result of my presence? It doesn't matter if you receive glory and praise for your accomplishments. If you truly believe you made a significant difference, you will know in your heart that you are successful. And when you know you've made a difference, no one can take that feeling away. Once you have reached a level of mastery, legacy becomes an issue. Creating a legacy can be difficult. Teachers, mentors, and coaches often have a legacy that influences society long after they are gone. If you teach a student what you know in your profession, he or she will carry on what you started. Knowing that you helped teach a new generation of professionals is satisfying.

Drs. Nash and Stevenson present an interesting framework for understanding the factors that contribute to maintaining long-term success. It's in your best interest to make sure you feel your professional activities are pleasurable, challenging, significant, and help you create a legacy. If you address each of these issues, you'll be able to maintain the enduring success you deserve.

Persistence In the Face of Setbacks

You know you’re in a rut when you think Murphy’s Law is true. It’s never the case that everything is going wrong, but it sure can feel that way at times. (I mean, sayings like “the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression” cannot feel reassuring.) Some things may go wrong at times, but many other things are going right. It’s just a matter of remembering this fact and realizing that things could always be worse. That said, there are times when your mind is focused solely on the negative. Rather than look at both the good and the bad, you may feel badly and dream of how things could have gone better. But again, you can’t let a pessimistic mood get you down.

If you are in a challenging profession, setbacks can be expected, and you cannot let setbacks get the better of you. Trading is surely competitive. It is not the case that people are personally out to get you, but other people are involved and they are certainly trying to take care of their own agenda rather than help you, but you can’t take it personally. It’s just business. There are three key strategies that you can use to persist in the face of adversity: (1) Cultivate a fighting spirit, (2) set up an alternative reward system, and (3) focus on the process not the prize.

It is vital to remain realistic, and ready to face setbacks head on. Youthful exuberance is useful. Young people are often naïve and optimistic, but this state of mind can do wonders to pick up your spirits. Believing that you are omnipotent and can do anything is naïve, but believing this fallacy for just a minute picks up your spirits. Sure, you can’t do anything you want, but you can probably do a lot more than you think when you are feeling beaten down. The key is to have a fighting spirit. Rather than focus on how life has beaten you down, it is useful to look on the bright side and appreciate what you have. You might as well think, “I don’t care what happens. I’m not going to give up. I’m going to keep fighting for what I want. I would rather try hard and fail than sit on sidelines and wonder what might have happened if I had just tried harder.” By cultivating a fighting spirit, one can look at setbacks as minor, commonplace events and take them in stride.

Setting up an alternative reward schedule will provide more consistent rewards and allow you to persist even when faced with a series of setbacks. Reward yourself after putting in a fixed amount of time (the end of each day, for example). Buy yourself a nice dinner or do something you find enjoyable. By patting yourself on the back for your efforts, you'll consistently feel satisfied with your profession, and stick with it. Many times we put in time and effort to achieve our goals, but the world does not reward us. Indeed, we may try hard and put in a heroic effort and actually receive punishment for our efforts. People may criticize us unfairly or someone may beat us out just because they had connections that we didn’t have. Life can be unfair at times, so it is vital to reward yourself for your efforts rather than wait for others to reward you. If you did a good job, you should feel good about it. Who cares what other people think.

Finally, it is essential to focus on the process, not the prize. Many people are driven by money, power, or prestige and when they don’t get any of these things, they feel like a failure. But rewards are never guaranteed, so it is much better to do what you like and feel the intrinsic gratification of having fun doing what you like. By focusing on intrinsic, rather than extrinsic, rewards, you'll feel more comfortable and creative, and do better in the long run.

Run Your Own Race

As social beings, humans naturally compare themselves to others. It can often be useful for survival to know whether you can beat an opponent or should run to safer ground. But comparisons are more trouble than they are worth. Why compare yourself to others and feel bad if you aren’t up to snuff?

Comparing ourselves to others can do more harm than good. If we are doing more poorly, we'll feel inadequate. And it isn't always the case that we are performing below par. Each person has his or her own personal history or circumstances that shaped his or her life. People differ in terms of personality, intellectual skills, and life experiences. Any or all of these factors can influence one's performance. It makes little sense to beat yourself up because you haven't achieved a level of performance equal to someone else who had advantages that you didn't have. In the end, the only person you can compare yourself to is you. If you make any comparisons at all, it should be against your own past performance, not someone else's. If life is a race, you should run your own race. Competing with others makes us feel good when we win, but most of the time, comparisons make us feel bad. Making comparisons can stifle creativity. It’s better to avoid such comparisons and appreciate your own talents and skills. If you do the best with what you have, you will feel better and be more productive.

Successful people in all fields avoid making comparisons to others. In the end, the only person's opinion that matters is your own. If you believe you are doing well, then that is all that matters. So when you find yourself comparing yourself to others, stop. The more you can focus on your own standards, the more successful you will be.

Take Control

Do you ever feel as if you have no control of your future? These days, it’s hard not to feel as if things are a little chaotic. Whether you invest in the financial markets or not, the economy is on everyone’s mind, and it has created an aura of fear and uneasiness. You may wonder if your personal goals are possible with such an uncertain economic future. If you are in business, for example, you may wonder whether clients will buy your goods or services. If you work for a non-profit company or charity, you may similarly worry about how the long term economic picture will impact the organization where you work. It’s natural to panic during uncertain times. But rather than feel a sense of panic, it’s vital to take an active, problem solving approach to your life. The more you feel in control, the more likely you will be able to make progress toward your goals.

A study by Dr. Timothy Steenbergh and colleagues at the University of Memphis (Steenbergh, May, Meyers, & Whelan, 2005) suggests that you are better off believing you are in control even when you may not fully be in control. They studied a group of university students who played a computer game of roulette. All participants reported they had gambled recreationally in the past year. Researchers asked participants to describe the strategies they used while playing computerized roulette. About 25% of the participants reported they had no strategy or plan for winning; they just saw outcomes as random and passively accepted outcomes. The remaining participants reported that they had developed a strategy or game plan.

Results of the study suggest that it is better to make plans and take an active, rather than a passive approach. Participants who came up with some sort of strategy, sound or not, believed that their actions had an impact on roulette outcomes. They made more bets than those who didn't have any strategy, and made more money in the end. These findings illustrate how it’s vital to engage in active planning strategies rather than passively thinking, "Why bother, it doesn't matter." By taking an active, problem solving approach, you will feel in control and achieve success.

Looking for the Bright Side

Cultivating a winning mental edge requires you to take setbacks in stride. Every cloud has a silver lining, and it's useful to continually look for the bright side. When you look for the bright side, you feel better after encountering a setback. But it's harder than it looks for some people. Some people don't take setbacks in stride. Instead, they mull over them.

According to psychotherapist Albert Ellis, many people hold the belief, "It is awful and terrible when things are not the way one would very much like them to be." As children, parents may have allowed us to have things our way, but eventually we learned that we could not have everything that we wanted. Unfortunately, many people continue to hold the belief that it is awful, terrible, and even unbearable when things do not go as planned. It may be unpleasant, but it is not awful or terrible. Indeed, when things don't go our way, there may even be a bright side.

Suppose you did not get the promotion at work that you wanted, you could look at it as awful, but there is probably a silver lining if you look hard enough. Promotions usually mean more work and responsibility, which can be psychologically stressful. In addition, a new job may mean there is less leisure time. When one does not receive a promotion, it is useful to think, "at least I will have more time to spend with my family and friends."

That said, there are some events where it is difficult to see the bright side. It’s difficult to find the bright side when a loved one is hurt, for example. But even a setback like a theft can be seen as positive in some respect. It may be useful to remember to focus on spiritual issues rather than material possessions.

Not everything will go your way and it’s vital to expect setbacks. A setback may be disappointing, but it is not awful or terrible. Most setbacks have a bright side and if you can learn to identify that bright side, then you will take setbacks in stride and focus on what you need to do to succeed.